The Legend of the Flash

Ok, so now even Arod used steroids. Give me a break—no wonder Madonna dumped him, his stuff probably was shriveling up.

In going back through history, all baseball records seem to be questionable, probably back to the 70s—maybe even the late 60s. This has led me to believe that the last legitimate hitting record may be the .435 hit by the fondly remembered Tyner Flash in 1969. The ‘Flash’, who played in the Pony League (ages 13-15) in the NSC for the upstart Falcons (whom he remains loyal to after all these years, and which is a reference that only 3 people in the Universe will understand, and fewer will appreciate), dominated the league and dazzled the less than 100s of fan during that storied season.

This was baseball—free of drugs, with no traveling trainers or ‘unknown substance’ beyond the delicious chemicals that ARE Mountain Dew. This was the Flash.

Note to MLB: As spring training is underway, the Flash remains chemical feel, and submits he ‘still has it.’ What better show of good faith in the sport we love to finally correct a hideous and unfair oversight, and invite the Flash to Spring Training. Slimmer and faster than Dmitri Young, with no felony convictions, and free of all substances other than Miller Lite and breakfast bars, the Flash is prepared to restore integrity to a game that sorely needs it.

Please leave requests for the Flash under the comment section, and I will contact him immediately.