Dumass

I think I am sick. Actually, I know I am sick. And I am pissed off (sorry mom) because it was self-inflicted.

Thursday night I was checking into the group home where I am staying and I forgot/was too tired to get bottled water. So the next morning, I put the paste on brush, and realize I don’t have any water.

So like a dumass, I just wet the brush with the tap water.  I never do that. Then, to show that I have taken an early lead in the ‘Dumber Than A Box Of Rocks’ annual award (last year given to Ms. Sarah, who said she could see Russia from Alaska) I actually rinsed out my mouth with the tap water. 

Of course, I didn’t swallow. But it is like rinsing with cyanide. A little bit goes a long way.

So here I am, hot, shivering, all my joints ache, I have lower back pain, and I am visiting the facilities every 30 minutes or so.  Delightful. Made for a long day at work, where I was busy saving the world, one sheep at a time.  

I decided that I might have typhoid, so thought I would go by a pharmacy to get a thermometer. We drove all over town, and never did find one. Moreover, my illness may have been exacerbated because I kept putting my unwashed pinkie in my mouth to mime a thermometer. I don’t understand how I was unable to communicate, as I kept putting the back of my left hand to my head and my right pinkie in my mouth. The best I could get out of anyone was ‘Marlena Dietrich suck fingers?’ At which point I thought about miming an anal thermometer, but thought that might cause problems.

Of course, I also got to interact with normal people—a guy buying 3 Band-Aids out of the box, the guy buying 2 pills for some ailment, and a really sad woman.  I wish I could go out more, as I learn a lot about what it is like to be incredibly poor and desperate each time I do.

Ok, that was the serious moment interlude. No back to my personal pain and desperation.

The last time I felt this shitty (literally and figuratively) was in the DFW airport 5 years ago, about 90 minutes after I had eaten a Burger King cheeseburger in Garland, Texas. Sadly, DFW has about the same first aid facilities as Kabul—you either suck it up, or the EMS guys take you to the hospital. No in- between.  So I sucked it up then, and I am sucking it up now. The alternative at DFW, and here, is to go to the ER, and they will probably medivac me out in a straightjacket, as only a real whack job could be dumb enough to use tap water in Afghanistan (and most other places).