Security

Just got through the Kabul airport gauntlet of faux security:
Step 1: Get out of car 1500 feet from airport. Get patted down. Driver remains in car with luggage, neither of which is searched. Note: Leave weapons in car.
Step 2: Drive 200 feet. Repeat same drill. Get back in car.
Step 3: drive 50 feet. Take bags to be screened. Leave big bags in the car because hand checking will take too long and no one will check the car anyway.
Step 4: Unload bags and walk to next checkpoint with bags. Get patted down again. No bag check. Get on bus.
Step 5: Get off bus. Take bags. Finally inside airport. Get patted down. For first time, bags xrayed at same time.
Step 6: Check in.
Step 7: Go past guy that collects the card you fill out and have stamped on entry. I had lost my pictures so couldn't do the card. Tell guy you lost it. He says 'No card no fly.' I say I must fly as my daughter's wedding is tomorrow. He says, 'Ok, next time.' I am relieved he doesn't ask me just how many daughters I have, as this
excuse has been used a number of times prior. Afghans have weakness for family which I am embarrassed to exploit. Note to Obama: let's send everyone home for a wedding--the Afghans will understand.
Step 8: Go thru first real screen. Security guy: 'Why didn't you take out liquids?"
Me: "No one ever checks."
Security Guy: "Ok"
Step 9: Go through passport check. Follow 5 Russians who get rejected for...being Russian and bringing bedbugs to Afghanistan. Tough shit Comrade, Americansky coming through.
Step 10: Sit in waiting area going deaf from TV blaring Dari MTV.
Steps 11-434: Yet to come.
It's all good. I'm headed home.