No-Crime Policy

No matter the country, the greatest wisdom and insight is found with the cab drivers. My cab driver today--an old black guy whohas been driving cab in DC for 45 years-- exceeded my wildest hopes.

Pearl of Wisdom #1—Some of the black folks he knows talk about how neighborhoods get better when whites begin to move in. Apparently, whites have a reputation for complaining and getting better city services. According to my Cabbie (I really should have gotten his name) he tells them that white folks don’t do anything that blacks can’t do—he says that if blacks complain, if they demand that drug dealers get out of their neighborhood, then officials would respond and get them out. We agreed that people get the government they demand—which is a lesson for the entire world. In Afghanistan, people get useless government because they don’t know any better or demand any more. The same is true for blacks in DC. Meanwhile whites understand the system, demand more, and get it. We just need citizens to learn to be more of a pain in the ass-maybe we should take them all to Montgomery, Ohio for training for awhile, where being a pain in the ass was a birthright—and the town was pretty nice as a result.

Pearl of Wisdom #2—The cabbie used to coach baseball and football for 12 year olds. He said he couldn’t get parents to come to the games—he thought it was pretty sad that parents would get dressed up and drive an hour to see their son in the penitentiary, but they won’t walk down the street to see their kids play, or meet their teacher.

To make sure the kids listened to his rules of life, he told them that he thought they were ‘gay’ for getting involved with crime—that they would get caught stealing a car or ripping someone off, and end up being locked up with ‘Bubba’ for 5 years. Alternatively, they could be out hitting on ‘Barbra’ for 5 years. So according to the Cabbie, if you do crime, you must be gay—otherwise, why would you take a chance on being with Bubba and not Barbra. ‘Yep,’ said the cabbie, ‘I wasn’t the best person, but I knew I had to stay out of trouble because I like pussy too much. I sure don’ wanna take a chance on getting no pussy'.

I am preparing signs to hang up over town that reflects this anti-crime message.