Smoke Gets in My Eyes

My Dish TV subscription ran out. So no more BBC/CNN/bad movies for me. It ran our last night during 'U Turn,' a weird Oliver Stone movie (is that redundant?) with Sean Penn, Nick Nolte, and J-Lo. Dude, J-Lo. One helluva time for the evil capitalists in India to turn off my dish. I will be having a word or two with them next time I am in Delhi. Seems very un-civilized.

So tonight, as I do a bit of email and pick my nose, I am watching the local Afghan stations. Which means India videos--dubbed--badly. But hey, it's Kabul on a Thursday night, and there ain't any Miller Lite pitcher specials during the playoffs.

I find it fascinating to see how these folks handle any kind of sexual situation on TV--which is to say, how they handle all of the dancing and revealing costumes in your basic Bollywood flik. Everytime there is a little skin, or cleavage, a smoky cloud appears over the woman. A couple just kissed, but the cloud appeared just in time to block the view. Thank god, I would have been ruined had I seen it.

Meanwhile, over in Dubai you can pick up any magazine, and if there is any cleavage showing they skillfully use a magic marker to black out the offending scene. So magazines are filled with lovely women with magic marker across their breasts. Nice. Can you imagine having that job?

"Yo yo, Karim. Sit down with this stack of magazines, and if you see any skin, mark it out. No screwing around either--if I don't hear that marker squeaking, there's going to be trouble."

"Hey Sayed, stand over here with your stogie, and if you see any skin, or two bodies touching, blow some smoke over the offending parts. No, really, it IS a job.

I haven't seen anything like this since Ashcroft was Attorney General. 'Hey, cover up those alabastor breasts on that porno statue Jim Bob." By the way, where is 'Code Orange' Johnny? Could it be? Maybe? Does anyone remember seeing him smoke? Did he seem to sniff magic markers a little too much? I think we may have something here......

Sorry for this sophomoric post--I blame the jet-lag. But the idea of John Ashcroft marking out breasts with a magic marker while humming 'Let the Eagle Soar' makes me giggle. I don't expect you to join in--for sanity sake, I really hope you don't. But really, he's in the storage room in Dubai airport, a stack of magazines stretching to the ceiling, trembling as he blacks out another offending breast shot. Nice.